Escapade of thought

I’d like to announce that everything’s fine…that I have achieved peace of mind, that things have sequentially fallen in place, and I have wisdom to impart encased. I’d like to, but I can’t, not quite yet, like a tragic hero from any novel worth reading, we don’t know where this earthly journey leads. And I’d like to write in ways reminiscent of the greats, but my words are admittedly the result of a mind that scrapes…meaning from the turmoil and biochemical tangents of the brain. And I also must admit, I sometimes have hints of allusions of grandeur that these words mean more than ink. That somehow when I’m gone they’ll leave a legacy of someone who was unique in how he thinks, with a blueprint to how to accept the darkness of depression even when you feel you’re at the brink. And I have seen the worst side of certain people that has put my subconscious antenna up towards most of all the rest, I can’t put it past the ‘best of them’ that they won’t breach the trust at the moment my mind’s at rest. And I keep making plans then dashing them, mocking the hours I’ve invested in ‘self help’, and there have been gains but nowhere near enough for my potential to attest, that it was used wisely and channelled toward more than just itself. And this escapade of thought is just a glimpse into a solemn stream of consciousness that pivots from awake to dream. The built up reserve of thinking ‘what could have been’ pushes me to periodic panic where I want to exponentially scream. Yet I am still alive with the faculty to think, therefore I am capable to change things for the better just by realizing I can only do as much as my Lord Permits, and if I have the proper intention that is in fact limitless.